thriving in the after of severe trauma : one survivor's journey

Saturday, January 9, 2016

My father's antidote


As it turns out. I was his a vessel. 
as an infant i sucked his dick, because that's what he gave me. 
not a pacifier. 
sometimes my finger. 
when he was horny, his penis. 
And i swallowed. 
try remembering that on for size. 
but I loved,
 too.
Still.
because it is human nature to love. 
yes to love. 
being, his soul was long on life support
he saw my love as a weakness to exploit. 
my weakness
to me exploit.
but the joke is on him 
because I'm still loved today.
and he is dead.
and unloved.
the cancer killed him dead when they pulled the plug on his soul. 
spite will turn on you like that. 
which is why i forgive.
and why I know love.
why I am loved.
yes loved. 
Yes!
Loved. 
for as they say,
... to love is to be loved...
to love is to be
human.
Plus, you never know
perhaps choking on his semen, 
was really just me choking on his soul
giving me a taste for soul; my perfect compass 
early immunity to the venom of lust and hate
the antidote.
to embrace my humanity:
no matter the cost
for as it turns out
it's what freed me, 
in the end

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Before sharing a comment, please know that I write for myself. I write for my own growth, to help me become a more integrated and grounded person. I invite you to share in this journey in the hopes that my experience will resonate with those who need it to. My purpose is transparency rather than dialogue. As such I will not be responding to anyone individually via this site. If you are in need please seek help for yourself. I will, however, be reading your comments and stories with a heart wide open. If my words mean something to you, it is not by accident that you are here. May healing and hope always be your horizon!
-kaja