I watched a movie once
about a girl named ansiedad.
I think she lives in me.
I have known her so well for so long that I hardly even notice she is with me
Like a parent you take for granted
but are always trying to please
until years of counseling later you finally begin to realize just how
bad they've always been for you.
(yeah, that's not where you that I was going, is it)
Except, unlike Ansiedad, you can learn to disentangle yourself from their clutches
or kiss them goodbye with a hug, or a fuck you
(listen, if you knew my parents...)
In theory you can learn Ansiedad's tricks and quiet the force of her voice in your mind
but it takes energy.
Energy to quiet her
Energy to ignore her
Energy just to share your brain with her...
She wears me out.
Much of the time, she just makes it that much harder to think, make decisions, breath
like trying to write a paper or study for a test while someone in the same room as you watches The Walking Dead on a large screen TV with the volume all the way up.
It's doable, but it's hard.
And sometimes she makes me cry.
because of why she's so strong with me,
I can yell at her to "turn it the fuck down, already"
but she know's as well as I do how many times she's saved my life
and that kicking her out might mean I die the next time
It's a great movie, though :)
Brothers are great...
