Really. You're fucking "mystified"? (aka: roller coaster ride : Exhibit A)

"I'm mystified," I said.

"mystified," I texted.

"Mystified as to why you would... (insert specific complaint details here)," I wrote.

To you -my housemate, my sister, my chosen family - regarding a mundane parenting decision you made while I was at the zoo with my niece (your daughter) one day."
The snarky, condescending implication very much being "how dare you use your time in that manner (my time in that manner)."

I was irritated. I called Handsome first, to complain about your subpar parenting decisions (basically).

He was non-comital.

So I decided if I was this irritated I should just tell you.

I debated calling you.

But I was tired.

I debated finding more diplomatic or thoughtful wording.

But I was tired.

And Hungry.

I debated letting it go.

But I was tired.

And hungry.

And anxious.

Too irritated and anxious to even fall asleep with the little one's who were passed out from all our fun at the zoo.

You called me immediately.

I declined it.

You followed with a text defensively spelling out your rationale... like I was being an asshole.
(It's weird that you would have taken it that way).

Then I called Handsome, again, for vindication.

It was less than forthcoming.

I wanted him to tell me I was right and you were wrong.

He did not oblige. Never a good sign.

"I guess, if I'm bothered by what Roomie does with her time while I have Rascal then, I'm probably too stressed to be making offer's of watching her."

"That seems reasonable," said Handsome.

"You have to go, don't you?" I asked.

"Kind of," He replied.

When I knew you'd be there to pick Rascal up soon, I hid in the back room...

Paying bills.

...in the bizarre hopes of avoiding you, who I love.

"Go give titi (auntie) a hug," I heard you tell Rascal.

So much for that.

"Bye baby," I said with a kiss.

But you didn't leave.

"Hey," you ventured...
                                        ...I take exception to your tone and wording...

                                                                              ...I'm offended that you would assume...

      ...I don't mind giving you this explanation, even though I don't owe it to you, because of the relationship that we have...

                         ...but...                                          
                                                                           ...I'm hurt...            

              ...You make questionable decisions all the time and I don't judge you for them...

                      ... I value our relationship...                                                
                                                                                       ...I care about your opinion..."


you said. (Among other things).

"I know..." I said.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"I guess, it's really about this other (completely unrelated and in no way relevant) thing." I realized.

"That's fair." you said. "I guess I just...                              ... so call me on that..."

"I know..." I said.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"I love you.

                  ...I'm grateful for you...
 
                                                    ...thank you for talking to me...
                           
                                                                                                           ...I think the real problem is...

...My childhood. And that no one ever took care of me. And now I feel like I need to rescue everyone around me, even when they don't need rescuing. And all this remembering is making me feel lost and I'm probably trying to make people need me so they will love me and they won't leave and I don't know what I"m doing with my life and I feel like I'm a failure and I don't know when it's going to end, and every time things start to get better I go and re-complicate them because I can't handle calm and smooth and working, and then I get frustrated because things are chaotic and I assume it's all everyone else's fault and when i realize it's really just me i stress out because I don't know how to back out of my commitments and embarrassed because I feel flakey and... everything hurts! And I really do love you and i'm sorry and I'm grateful, please keep loving me, Im sorry that I am awful sometimes I really do care about you and the girls and our relationship and the boys relationships with their cousins and sniffle, tear, I want a hug. I'm sorry. have I said that yet? I love you. Also, I'm  tired and hungry and... they were so bad to me...

   ...and WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Solution. Solution. Solution. Working things out. Brainstorming. Problem solving. Hug. Hug. Hug.

Welcome to loving and living with someone with Trauma.

The End.

Please comment, if you know who deserves credit for this long viral meme. Because, yes, yes, yes! First row all the way!