The all alone.
The on my own.
the always have and
always will...
the crazy me
who clearly sees
that no one ever wanted me...
enough.
many people love me
or have loved me
or might love me
but I could make them all leave.
a skill which no one comes by easily
one, by one
by two by two
i could make them follow you
some hurt
some mad
some bad
some just relieved to have...
finally
given up on me
freed themselves from loving me,
so broken,
so confused
so angry and so lost.
so loving
so ragefull
so prone to repeating history
while always maintaining the mystery
and it isn't fair
wouldn't eve be 'meant'
just a slip of the wrist
a trip of the wire
letting the toddler within
pull out the pin
just doing what I was programmed to do
when every lost battle
can be a lost war
for no damage control
can undo the unpinning
of an emotional grenade
18 years in the making
I'd give in,
but I have
and it's no way to win
so i cry and i cry
for the pain still within
and I wish i could wish the unwanting away
